Cali, my place of revival

California was everything I had hoped it would be.

It was green, it was gorgeous, it was full of flowers and fair weather.
It felt like a place where fears disappeared and negativity dissipated.
My mind was so full of hope, love and beauty, I had no room to worry about everyone's thoughts and opinions of my life.
What a break.
I spend too much of my time caring what others think about me, my choices, my life. Way too much time. And my recent choice to join my husband and his band on the road, has had it's fair share of naysayers. If I'm not constantly working to ignore it, it can start to wear on me.
California was just far enough away that I couldn't hear the naysayers voices anymore. It was freeing.
I realized while we were there, that this is why I'm teaching myself to have an internal lotus of control (meaning, being controlled by my own values, thoughts & opinions rather than others) This freedom that comes from giving up the impossible task of pleasing everyone with the things I do...

This is why I'm working so hard to learn these new philosophies: because they allow me to be a better mom, free to pick flowers in Cali when my "kids should be in school not traveling the USA", they allow me to be a better wife, supporting my husband in his dreams, his passions, his purpose even if he might be "too old to be chasing such irresponsible endeavors" and they allow me to be a happier me, living my own dreams of traveling, seeing, smelling, tasting all the good this world has to offer, and sharing it with my loving family.
We are living a good life.
I realized an important thought when I left California; if I heard about a family doing anything possible to stay together while daring to pursue their purpose, I wouldn't label them as irresponsible, I would think it's awfully romantic and I would be proud of them for valuing family and dreaming big.
So I'm living a life I would be proud to see someone else live. Why not be proud of myself for living it? Why let other people's opinions affect mine and cause me to doubt myself.

No longer. 17 year old Meg has started talking back to 29 year old Meg and reminding me to live our dreams, be glad Mark is still so romantic after 12 years and stop letting spectators of my life influence me from living it! All the chit chat really means is that I'm living interestingly enough to spark conversation.
I hope you all get a chance to find your own California and figure out what YOU want out of life, and then create it.

It's so simple. We get one life. Don't waste it, please. It's such a great big beautiful world we were given to enjoy, chock full of hope and beauty and joy and above all, love.

The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that. (Proverbs 29:25 MSG)

Messes and travel

It's amazing what traveling in an RV with 5 men, 2 boys, 1 baby and myself, has taught me about acceptance. Mostly from my lack of acceptance, and the unnecessary angst it causes me.

Acceptance is an unusual concept. I've been working on it a lot this year
The idea is simple, accept what is. Save yourself the anguish of trying to resist reality.
For example, spilled coffee. You can accept it has spilled or you can scream and yell and be frustrated. Either way it's spilled. Either way you have to clean it up. Same situations, but the difference between acceptance is the difference of peace.
I started with the coffee. Now I'm building into bigger areas. But the concept is still simple. It is what is, now what can I do. Easier said than done though.
People seem to think acceptance means allowing bad things, surrendering. It seems the opposite. For me, when I stop wasting time complaining about reality, my focus is freed up to find solutions. Acceptance leads me to solutions, not surrender to the issue. Unfortunately, I am still learning how to apply this lesson so I don't always choose this freedom. 

When I woke in the middle of the night, to Johnny gagging and heaving, my first thoughts were not acceptance. Sadly, my first thought was more along the lines of what way should I point him to make the least amount of mess. 

This is typical of me. I have trouble accepting reality. I mean, I don't really have to be covered in bodily fluids right? Maybe the diaper will hold the next disaster. Maybe I'll see the signs before the next upchuck and I can hold the baby over a sink. 
Does that ever work for you? Because it never has for me. Rather, I end up making more of a mess trying to avoid a mess. Picture the vomit trail from the bedroom to bathroom as I run to the sink.
All because I resist Reality: Sick babies make sick diapers all over mommy's legs. Sick babies spew sick messes all down Mommy's shirts. It's impossible to hold and comfort your sick baby without getting dirty yourself.

Oh yes, I resist that. And oh yes, it has been so frustrating, when after my tenth shower,  the next mess ends up down my neck. AH!!! I JUST CHANGED MY SHIRT!

Sick babies can be no fun. 

This time was different though. I'm not alone in my home to fight reality to my hearts content. I'm on tour with my husband, his fellow band members, a sound guy, and on a very tight travel schedule. 
No way to stop. No way to shower. No way to do laundry. For two whole days. On a sick baby schedule, that's like 50 showers and 10 loads of laundry in the hole ...

Since I couldn't shower or keep any laundry going, I was free to just hold my sick baby. 
I gave up my unrealistic goal to stay clean while caring for my sick baby. 
My focus became solely on comforting my sick baby, not on avoiding his messes. 

Without realizing it at first, I was forced into acceptance. My baby is sick. He is messy. I want to comfort him through this. So I will be messy with him. 

I wish I could always accept the messy truths about life this easily. 
Too often my thoughts are on the wrong things:  How it negatively affects me (I don't enjoy being wet and smelly) what others will think (people are going to think I'm gross and unsanitary if bodily fluids are on me) 
and the unrealistic idea that I can somehow avoid life ever be unpleasant (NO WAY!! Surely being puked on isn't the only option here) 

News flash: puke happens. And if you want to care for the sick, it's gonna get on you.


You know, when I accepted the unpleasant truth that I would have to wear bodily fluids for two days before I could shower or do laundry, it somehow became less unpleasant. 
It was just ... reality. 

The funniest part is, I seem to think getting messy is the worst thing in the world and I waste so much time resisting it! It took one long, hot shower and three loads of laundry to restore everything dirty back to clean again.  

Perhaps the same is true in a much bigger scale. Perhaps I would be much more effective caring for our emotional & spiritually sick moments if I accept the messy truths, and accept I will have to get dirty to do something about it. 
If I start believing it's okay to get dirty, because I can always come clean.
If I really allow myself to believe and act on the belief that all messes, big, small and metaphoric, 
can come clean again. I can accept what is, because I know there is always a way towards a solution.

No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.
1 Corinthians 10:13  -  The Message (MSG)