Hello Again

It's been a while. Life is a whirlwind and sometimes its sweeps me up in it. 

What an interesting year 2014 was.
After spending 2013 barely at home, it has been an adjustment to spend 2014 primarily at home.
Suddenly, I am home 6 days a week, barely leaving my home for more than weekly church!

It has been sort of like a much needed hibernation. We are finding our own home-school rhythm, bonding to our beautiful new baby Joshua, and really maximizing our time together as a family after a long period of time spent either insanely busy or apart. So much good has come from our year of "hibernation."
But I wouldn't be completely honest if I didn't admit that I miss traveling. And going. And seeing new things. And breathing fresh air.
At times I get a bit stir crazy.
I don't even do the shopping right now, as Joshua doesn't prefer nursing in public and DOES prefer nursing pretty frequently. He has just started being easier to go places with, but for ALL of last year, it was easier to just send the hubby with my shopping requests while I stayed home ( as usual) and maintained the house and our FOUR kids.
Listen, when you start MISSING GROCERY SHOPPING, Its time to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.

Well during my year of house confinement, (I'm sorry - I mean my year hibernating with my bear cubs..., Freudian slip) I discovered something pretty dang cool.
Influenster.

Here's what I love; Free products are shipped to my door. Just for me <3 In a world where I exist to serve my family and home, a box of goodies with my name on it is pretty exciting! And my FrostyVoxBox even came at Christmas! Double score!
So what is the exchange? They want me to TRY the products (ummmm no brainer, I definitely want to use the goodies given to me!) and then they want me to TALK about the products. Well, we all know I enjoy giving my opinion! That's why I HAVE a blog.

Ps. YOU can join influenster too! (Here's the link if you want. www.influenster.com/r/909701 I hate to share because you might get goodies INSTEAD of me but I'm trying to be a good person)

Alright, here is where I tell you the assortment of goodies I got in my FROSTYVOXBOX

An unexpected champion was the NYC Expert Last Lip Color in Sugar Plum. I am not typically a lipstick user because my lips are dry and the color will cake in my cracks {YUCK!} But this product is soft and velvety even while lasting all day. And you can get your own for only $1.99! At that price, I will definitely buy more in various shades. I find this shade to be the perfect balance of deceptively coy color (almost nude but still popping) but this girl loves change. So I might just try every shade. The only downside to this product was the little sugar plum kiss marks all over my babies head (I can't help but kiss him) In this picture to the left, I am also wearing the Rimmel Scandaleyes Waterproof Kohl Kajal Eyeliner. It created a more intense, smoky eye than I typically go for. I first tried it for a day look and felt a bit over done for  a mom of four running errands. However, I used it again on a kid free dinner date and hubby thought it was an exciting change from the neutral browns I've been choosing. So I will use it again! It also came with a Rimmel Gentle Eye Makeup Remover. This was a nice change to the greasy make up removers I have used in the past and it is gentle on the eyes. However, I still had to scrub a bit to remove the waterproof eyeliner. So it's not a miracle worker BUT it gets the job done without any adverse effects.

I was most excited to see a hair brush. Why do I like Hair brushes so much? I'm not sure. But it is so fun to have a new hair brush! And this one did not let me down. First of all, it is pretty. Hello, my name is Megan and I shamelessly like pretty things. Secondly, it feels nice in your hand AND on your head! My kids HATE hair do time but they prefer this new brush over the old, scratchy one that we THREW AWAY. Plus, it has a bamboo handle, hence the smooth feeling, and the hippie chick side of me thinks that's pretty cool. The downside, this is a smoother and styler brush, not a volume brush. I'm getting older and my hair is getting limper. This brush did not magically solve those problems like I had hoped. But it does get the tangles out nicely and looks pretty doing it, so I'm still sold.  

The No7 Perfect & Protect Intense Advanced Serum was a wonderful addition to the VOXBOX. It was light, smooth, non greasy and easy to apply. However, I have a love/hate relationship with age defying serums. On the positive side, I enjoy taking care of my skin. I love dewy fresh skin. On the negative, we are all getting older no matter what we do. So is it really worth $29.99? I'm not convinced yet. I wish the sample was a full two week amount so I could see if I would really get younger looking skin. But I did feel pretty prettier when I used it. Placebo effect?

I got Celestial Seasonings Candy Cane Lane Decaf Green TEA in my VOXBOX and a TEA POT for Christmas and a TEA SET for my January birthday {I am officially in my 30s / guys, I'm a grownup} So, yeah, this was a good fit for me. I love tea! Hubby and I watch Mrs Marple on netflix and all their creme teas and sophisticated accents get me craving tea! Plus, I typically get an afternoon slump and tea gets me out of it! Even decaf. Now this Candy Cane Lane Green Tea was a fun change but I am more of a black tea with milk kinda gal. The flavor was nice but I would like it more if it was a black tea. I love Celestial Seasoning Decaf Sweet Coconut Thai Chai Tea  {FAVORITE, Never gets old} and I also use their Raspberry Zinger in the summer as a soda craving substitute.

My kids were super excited to find Fruit Vine bites in the box. We don't keep much sweets in the house because of 1.) 4 boys and ADHD and 2.) I confess, I have 0 willpower against sugar.
But these are made with no preservatives and they had no effect on the kids behavior! Although they were equally hard not to devour. Luckily, my kids devoured them for me. So I stuck to coffee and tea for my sad and neglected sweet tooth monster.

We also received McCormick Gourmet Thyme in the box. I'm not going to lie and pretend like I cook. (I breastfed, does that count? Just kidding) But seriously, usually the baby starts his cling fest as the sun goes down, so my talented and creative hubby does the cooking. (He's handsome AND a good cook. Double Yum.)  If i could, I would grow all my own herbs but I don't at this point. So I appreciate the freshness of McCormick Gourmet.

All in all, I really enjoyed receiving a VOXBOX. I needed a little reminder that there is more to life than babies and home-school. And I love getting random things in the mail. It's a wonderful surprise.
Meanwhile, I realized two things. 1.) I still like getting dressed and made up. So I should do it more often than on Sundays. 2.) I like experiencing new things! Spring is coming and my hibernation is over! This year we hope to Discover Florida! I want to find more local nature trails.I love seeing new things and Nature never disappoints me. We also plan to take weekend trips, starting next month for a combined celebration of our baby's FIRST BIRTHDAY and our toddler's THIRD. So keep your eyes peeled for more from me. And let me know if there are any great places I should visit or awesome products I should try.

"The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience." Eleanor Roosevelt

A New Year of Homeschool

 Big year just went by and I am finding myself in a period of crazy, chaotic cheer.
We had our fourth boy, Joshua who is now 7 months and he is the most perfect roly poly cabbage patch baby I ever saw. Seriously, if you google 'the perfect chubster babe' I think his picture would come up. I just want to squeeze those thighs and kiss that sweet double chin every second. Which is convenient because he is going through a stage where he is committed to being in my arms at all times while simultaneously destroying whatever he can reach. So that's fun.
Johnny is two and half and at that special age where he is the cutest and most deadly thing ever. Seriously, the worst of all evils in this house is messy bodily functions (ewwww) and he has even committed that deadly deed of playing in poo and we are still obsessed with him. We just can't get over this kid. HE'S ADORABLE. He's sweet sometimes too!
He'll wrap those little hands around your neck and whisper things like, "I love you mommy", "I'm proud of you", "best friends mommy", "best hugs"...  Even his big brothers can't seem to get angry with him. I want to teach him boundaries but they just want to shower him with love and lollipops. Ah well. At least we err on the side
of love.
Speaking of those big bros, Markie is 9-almost 10 and in FOURTH GRADE. The kid is brilliant and is
practically teaching ME math. (Who am I kidding, he IS teaching me new ways to do math, his number sense has surpassed mine) But more importantly than book smart, he is so emotionally intelligent. He is gentle and affirming and full of grace. And he learns so quickly! He takes all the things Mark and I say to him and around him and actually IMPLEMENTS them! And we all know PRACTICING emotional intelligence is the hardest step! Plus, he is the biggest bubba in this house and he wears that title well. He doesn't bully and his bossing is improving. He is working on communicating assertively and clearly. And he is a great conversationalist if you've had a bad day. He's full of hugs and love and support. He's wise enough to pick up the best traits from Mark and I and he surpasses us. I'm excited to continue learning from him for the rest of my life.

Topher is 7-almost 8 and in second grade. SECOND GRADE. My little Tigger pet is growing up into a real boy. And boy he is growing up so well. He has had such success in learning self control and he is so proud and encouraged by that. He believes he can improve and so he is always willing to try. I LOVE THAT. And he is a giver of Joy. This kid gets so excited about EVERYTHING! He reminds us each Thursday that it is 'Friday Eve' and every Friday that the 'freakin weeken' is here! His excitement is contagious. We have become a family that celebrates EVERYTHING and he is the leader in being truly excited.
I also love how he speaks his heart in such refreshing and ...at times, gentle ways. But either way, he always brings me joy in the way he thinks.
 Yesterday, during math lesson, we were learning three digit addition with regrouping. The concept of 10 tens regrouping into 1 hundred was kinda throwing him. So he said so sincerely, "Mom I don't know what to do. The sound of your voice is really hurting my head. I don't know what's wrong."

"Hmmm...." I wondered out loud, "when did noise start bothering you?"
"It's not noise. It's just when YOU talk."
Ok. Well that is weird and I wished I had a tape recorder on because this feels sitcom worthy.
Markie looked up, eyebrows raised with a expression that asked "Where is this gonna lead?"
"Is it always when I talk?" I asked, thinking I need to record my voice to get to the bottom of what exactly is a head hurting quality about it.
"Not always, but it happened last time when you were talking about quarter times in clocks." Topher said.
I tried not to smile, "Oh! So is it only when I talk about new math stuff?"
"Yes."

"I think that is just the feeling of learning new things. I feel that way when I try to learn how to give up expectations and take my own responsibility. But remember how Daddy says learning can feel uncomfortable but it is worth it? I believe that is true. Learning helps us have a better life. Thanks for telling me your head hurts. Your head used to hurt when we talked about regrouping to make tens and now that is easy! Regrouping to make hundreds is similar and I know you can get to a point where this is easy too, if you try. I'll try to remember to speak low and gentle whenever we are practicing new things!"
I just love his transparency and sincere heart. I want to teach him to be more graceful and tactful but I don't want to lose any of that authenticity that pours out of him. It's a tall order. But I'm a tall order kinda gal. Keeps me busy. Speaking of busy....

 Yes. I am still homeschooling.

 Strange, right. I started this journey to allow us to tour with my husband's band and the touring has stopped but the homeschool hasn't.

I just love it. It sounds crazy and believe me, I've had my moments finding my groove this year, where I thought for sure I was crazy. But it blesses our family. I mean, I truly enjoy my kids and sometimes it seems that is a rare occurrence in our current society. 

 Another rare thing, My kids currently enjoy learning. 

Hartman = Smartman. We are cultivating a lifestyle of LEARNING. What an empowering tool. You are never too old to learn, by the way. You can learn to be more grateful, curb your tongue, control your temper as well as learn how the clouds predict the weather or the proper grammar rules.

  (Side note - Did I mention fourth grade grammar is crazy? I'm still not sure what past and present participles are for, although I now know the basic idea of how to use them, like is doing or has done)
 In our home, we are all learners, Mark & I are just the guides, choosing the path we believe most effective and beneficial. But we are all learners.

 This unity creates a bond that I have always dreamed about. My family is loving, affectionate, affirming and open.  It's safe to be honest here. It's safe to mess up. It's safe to try again. We believe in each other. For example, I'm working on being more gentle. But when I am harsh, I can apologize and my family forgives me. And they still think I'm pretty awesome. That love inspires me to do better. And I see that same inspiration in my husband and children, I believe they want to try their best. I respect that.

 But my most favorite thing about homeschool is that we have more time together to create the emotionally intelligent skills we long for, like healthy conflict resolution, safe communication skills, assertive communication, intentional behavior and intentional choices (in a world of "he made me ... My kids need to learn this at home)

 I don't want to mislead you that life is perfect. It's not, it's just better than it's ever been, but not completely free from yuckies. Do we fight? Yeah we do. We wake up grumpy. We spill things and feel frustration. We wish life didn't involve so much cleaning and so many chores. We invade each other's personal space. We feel disrespected and angry. We have trouble sharing. We misunderstand things and get our feelings hurt. 

Life is not just beautiful sunrises and butterflies dancing through our yard, although we celebrate those moments when it is. 

And when it isn't, we recover. 

When we feel yucky, we practice our emotional intelligence skills. "I'm feeling _____ (grumpy, frustrated, scared, angry, sad, tired, overwhelmed).

 I need ____ (extra hugs, patience, grace, 30 mins of quiet before we start our day)".

When we are on the receiving end of yuckies we say, "I don't like being treated this way." And we seek help if we need it.

When we realize we have acted in a way we don't like, we apologize, we ask how we can help make it right and we spend time learning why it went wrong and how we can do better next time.

Then we come back to unity. "This is OUR day. I want it to be a good one! Let's take back our day and make it good!"

  Homeschooling isn't for everyone but I believe the things we are learning are. 

I hope all of you take your day and make it good!
Life is so beautiful when you take charge of you.
So go on and create your paradise. 

Home school!

In order to change my life, support my husband's passions and dreams, and preserve the intimacy and closeness our family desires, I have started Home Schooling my kids.
The truth is, this is not always easy for me. I struggle with perfectionism and self doubt. I have been working on these issues for the last six years but they still come up. Home school really exasperates this in me. 

You see, MY passion is for my family. 
I want a successful marriage, because I'm married to my best friend and I see how much joy I have when we are in line and in a healthy place. 
And I want to give my children this amazing foundation for happiness; self esteem, true faith, empowerment, great communication skills, wisdom, confidence, courage, resilience, ect ... any thing they might need to THRIVE in life. I want them to THRIVE.
They need education. It can effect their self esteem, their ability to reason, their ability to communicate intelligently... ect.
I want to give them an amazing education. But this is real life. Right now, my finances are in more of a faith building phase than an abundance phase. My schedule is hectic, and not always on a successful Mon-Fri, August-May schedule. Not too mention my oldest is literally a genius, according to his IQ testing ... and I ... am not. 
So can I really do this? Successfully. And fairly for my children and all  want to give them to THRIVE. 

Here's the amazing thing I found out. If God calls you to something, He will give you what you need to accomplish it, despite how qualified you feel you are!

My finances were not suddenly granted the $500 a child, that it might cost to purchase a year of curriculum ... Yet a first grade teacher friend did provide me with an excellent first grade curriculum for Topher! It actually shows me what to do each day. Phew. That takes a load off. She even gave me a benchmark leveling kit for reading so I can track his progress and ensure he stays at or above expected grade level. How rewarding for a self doubting mom like me! 
Then she also got me in touch with a third grade teacher from her school who can help me with Markie's curriculum! I also found that SCHOOL ZONE online has some affordable workbooks to supplement. My little 3rd grade genius can work on 4th, 5th or 6th grade concepts for a challenge and these workbooks are only $3-$15 per book. Thank you Jesus!

I've found the flexibility of home schooling really appealed to me, yet I was constantly feeling guilty if we got off the rigid schedule (which we have, a lot, while adjusting to tour life). So I've decided to do year round home schooling. That way, anytime we lose a week or two (or three) during a crazy period, we will always have other time to make up.
For example, we're off the road right now and it's been very easy to keep up with a home school routine. 

The past week or so I have transitioned my kids into their next grade. We are now teaching first and third grade, so that we can start August ahead of "schedule". That can really take some pressure and fear off my shoulders that we may fall behind. 
As I've been creating the 2013-2014 curriculum routine, I have felt such a weight off my shoulders. I've found ideas to stimulate my third grader. I actually feel like he's learning again, not just practicing things he already knows. (He learns so fast) 
I'm seeing marked improvement in my first grader and following a curriculum he understands and is benefiting from.  Right now, we are THRIVING. And I am loving it. 

I feel organized, prepared and more confident than ever that this is the right path for us. I see that God

opened doors and provided the means for us to do this. I see that He has been sending people on my path to encourage me and uplift me. If God is leading me, I know it's somewhere good. 

I have critics in my life. People that don't see the good in me, no matter how hard I try. That is so hard to accept. Some of my critics are even people I love. People I so desperately want to love me.

But you see, I can't live for them. God has a Purpose on my life, and I must do what I'm meant to do to live out that purpose. I'm happier when I do. I'm more effective when I do. I want to be used by God, which means that I can't be used by other people. It means God must be my leader, God must be in control and some people do not like losing control over those they love. 

So when critics come up in my life, I try to remember that they're perception does not have to be my reality. They're rejection does not have to say anything about me, it may only speak of them and they're struggles. I share this, because some of you readers may have your own critics. And they may not be strangers, they may be people you trusted. So I'm just saying you're not alone. In fact, people misunderstood and criticized Jesus, whom I believe was a perfect man. So if they did that too a perfect man, of course they will do it to an imperfect me, despite if my heart is in the right place.

I'm so honored that God cares and provides for my little home school efforts, in the midst of this great big grand world. I challenge you to look for your own personal ways that God can show you that YOU ARE SIGNIFICANT and that His Plan for you is not small, whether the actions feel so, they are impactful and purposeful, and He is invested in YOU.

Romans 8:31

New International Version (NIV)

More Than Conquerors

31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Cali, my place of revival

California was everything I had hoped it would be.

It was green, it was gorgeous, it was full of flowers and fair weather.
It felt like a place where fears disappeared and negativity dissipated.
My mind was so full of hope, love and beauty, I had no room to worry about everyone's thoughts and opinions of my life.
What a break.
I spend too much of my time caring what others think about me, my choices, my life. Way too much time. And my recent choice to join my husband and his band on the road, has had it's fair share of naysayers. If I'm not constantly working to ignore it, it can start to wear on me.
California was just far enough away that I couldn't hear the naysayers voices anymore. It was freeing.
I realized while we were there, that this is why I'm teaching myself to have an internal lotus of control (meaning, being controlled by my own values, thoughts & opinions rather than others) This freedom that comes from giving up the impossible task of pleasing everyone with the things I do...

This is why I'm working so hard to learn these new philosophies: because they allow me to be a better mom, free to pick flowers in Cali when my "kids should be in school not traveling the USA", they allow me to be a better wife, supporting my husband in his dreams, his passions, his purpose even if he might be "too old to be chasing such irresponsible endeavors" and they allow me to be a happier me, living my own dreams of traveling, seeing, smelling, tasting all the good this world has to offer, and sharing it with my loving family.
We are living a good life.
I realized an important thought when I left California; if I heard about a family doing anything possible to stay together while daring to pursue their purpose, I wouldn't label them as irresponsible, I would think it's awfully romantic and I would be proud of them for valuing family and dreaming big.
So I'm living a life I would be proud to see someone else live. Why not be proud of myself for living it? Why let other people's opinions affect mine and cause me to doubt myself.

No longer. 17 year old Meg has started talking back to 29 year old Meg and reminding me to live our dreams, be glad Mark is still so romantic after 12 years and stop letting spectators of my life influence me from living it! All the chit chat really means is that I'm living interestingly enough to spark conversation.
I hope you all get a chance to find your own California and figure out what YOU want out of life, and then create it.

It's so simple. We get one life. Don't waste it, please. It's such a great big beautiful world we were given to enjoy, chock full of hope and beauty and joy and above all, love.

The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that. (Proverbs 29:25 MSG)

Messes and travel

It's amazing what traveling in an RV with 5 men, 2 boys, 1 baby and myself, has taught me about acceptance. Mostly from my lack of acceptance, and the unnecessary angst it causes me.

Acceptance is an unusual concept. I've been working on it a lot this year
The idea is simple, accept what is. Save yourself the anguish of trying to resist reality.
For example, spilled coffee. You can accept it has spilled or you can scream and yell and be frustrated. Either way it's spilled. Either way you have to clean it up. Same situations, but the difference between acceptance is the difference of peace.
I started with the coffee. Now I'm building into bigger areas. But the concept is still simple. It is what is, now what can I do. Easier said than done though.
People seem to think acceptance means allowing bad things, surrendering. It seems the opposite. For me, when I stop wasting time complaining about reality, my focus is freed up to find solutions. Acceptance leads me to solutions, not surrender to the issue. Unfortunately, I am still learning how to apply this lesson so I don't always choose this freedom. 

When I woke in the middle of the night, to Johnny gagging and heaving, my first thoughts were not acceptance. Sadly, my first thought was more along the lines of what way should I point him to make the least amount of mess. 

This is typical of me. I have trouble accepting reality. I mean, I don't really have to be covered in bodily fluids right? Maybe the diaper will hold the next disaster. Maybe I'll see the signs before the next upchuck and I can hold the baby over a sink. 
Does that ever work for you? Because it never has for me. Rather, I end up making more of a mess trying to avoid a mess. Picture the vomit trail from the bedroom to bathroom as I run to the sink.
All because I resist Reality: Sick babies make sick diapers all over mommy's legs. Sick babies spew sick messes all down Mommy's shirts. It's impossible to hold and comfort your sick baby without getting dirty yourself.

Oh yes, I resist that. And oh yes, it has been so frustrating, when after my tenth shower,  the next mess ends up down my neck. AH!!! I JUST CHANGED MY SHIRT!

Sick babies can be no fun. 

This time was different though. I'm not alone in my home to fight reality to my hearts content. I'm on tour with my husband, his fellow band members, a sound guy, and on a very tight travel schedule. 
No way to stop. No way to shower. No way to do laundry. For two whole days. On a sick baby schedule, that's like 50 showers and 10 loads of laundry in the hole ...

Since I couldn't shower or keep any laundry going, I was free to just hold my sick baby. 
I gave up my unrealistic goal to stay clean while caring for my sick baby. 
My focus became solely on comforting my sick baby, not on avoiding his messes. 

Without realizing it at first, I was forced into acceptance. My baby is sick. He is messy. I want to comfort him through this. So I will be messy with him. 

I wish I could always accept the messy truths about life this easily. 
Too often my thoughts are on the wrong things:  How it negatively affects me (I don't enjoy being wet and smelly) what others will think (people are going to think I'm gross and unsanitary if bodily fluids are on me) 
and the unrealistic idea that I can somehow avoid life ever be unpleasant (NO WAY!! Surely being puked on isn't the only option here) 

News flash: puke happens. And if you want to care for the sick, it's gonna get on you.


You know, when I accepted the unpleasant truth that I would have to wear bodily fluids for two days before I could shower or do laundry, it somehow became less unpleasant. 
It was just ... reality. 

The funniest part is, I seem to think getting messy is the worst thing in the world and I waste so much time resisting it! It took one long, hot shower and three loads of laundry to restore everything dirty back to clean again.  

Perhaps the same is true in a much bigger scale. Perhaps I would be much more effective caring for our emotional & spiritually sick moments if I accept the messy truths, and accept I will have to get dirty to do something about it. 
If I start believing it's okay to get dirty, because I can always come clean.
If I really allow myself to believe and act on the belief that all messes, big, small and metaphoric, 
can come clean again. I can accept what is, because I know there is always a way towards a solution.

No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.
1 Corinthians 10:13  -  The Message (MSG)

together.

This may come as a shock to some of you who know me well, but I've decided to let baby Johnny grow up.
I've always had a hard time letting go of the baby stage. Oh how I love a tiny, squishy baby that simply wants to be in your arms. Let's be honest, that is way more simple and easy compared to the complex needs we develop as we age.  
I can feel every step of independence taking my children one step further from  out of my arms. Growing up has always felt tinged with growing apart. I don't want to grow apart from my babies.
But it doesn't have to be that way. 
I've always lived in a world of obligations, duties, tasks, checklists.  It's not my babies growing up and away from me. It's me. That precious newborn stage, is so precious, because I allow it to be. I treasure every moment. Something about the frailty of freshly made life coupled with the act of birth, leaves me feeling entitled to resting, to enjoying, to experiencing the bond between my baby and I.
But I change. As baby grows to toddler, and no longer needs me to meet his every need, as my body heals and recovers from being a conduit to a miracle, I no longer feel justified to sit and drink in his existence. I feel like I have to earn my existence again. I return to work, to chores, to deadlines, to schedules, to hurrying, hurrying, hurrying.
How much we miss when we hurry.
Then I blame the miracle of growth. Don't I always blame growth? Growth is change, growth is learning, growth is trials, but growth is also the way too better things. Growth doesn't cause us to grow apart, independence doesn't cause us to grow apart, our response to it does.
My two older boys, 8 and 6, no longer need my help to do basic life functions. We went from them needing me every two hours to this life of quick interactions urging towards the next; rushing off to school in the morning, pressing through the homework battle, hastening through dinner because the dishes are waiting then hurried baths and maybe an hour of family time before bed.
No wonder I missed the baby stage, when every moment required slowing down for bonding time.

Living in this RV, on tour with my husband has changed all that. We have nothing to rush to. We get up in the morning and take as long as we want on good mornings and snuggles. Breakfast is about yummy coffee and waffles and talking about where we woke up and where we are going next together.
School has changed from something we rush away to, into a joined effort. I thought of home-schooling as simply taking over the responsibilty of ensuring my children grow and learn. I was so wrong. I get to grow with them. We are growing together.
Yesterday Topher was working on his kindergarten sight words, He has them all memorized like lightening except for about four. He is so so proud. He beams at me from under that lock of brown hair falling across his forehead, "Mom you are the best teacher." 
I've always heard little boys fall in love with their kindergarten teacher. I never dreamed that would be me. 

We try to do the Jesus storybook Bible together daily. We gathered where ever we are. We read the word, we discuss and I swear, Mark and I learn more than the kids do, and the kids are learning a lot. We are learning together.
We pray together as a family and I get to hear my children's heart and watch as God shapes them into little men after His Heart. Witnessing the changes in them, changes me. We are changing as a family together.
Now I can't lie, we have our share of tough days, though they are few and far between so far, thank you Jesus. But even when days are trying, when trials come up... we don't walk away (ps there is no where to walk away on an RV) It turns out all we have cultivated, our time with each other, our time with God, really helps us use our trials to move forward to a better place. We persevere  together. 
Through all this, I've realized something spectacular. My intimacy with my children doesn't have to lessen as they grow up. My control does because I need to slowly give them more and more of their own control over their lives to prepare them to be adults. My care-giving does because to build their self esteem as adults I have to let them learn to do stuff themselves. 
But my intimacy with them can actually grow. If I take the time to grow it. For me, that involves stopping all the hurrying. Doing less apart and more together. And choosing to be present in more of those moments. 
I guess I always knew my duties as a mother to keep them safe, which lessens over the years until it's eventually done. And to do for them what they can't do for themselves, which also lessens over the years until it is eventually done.
But there is a duty as a mother that only grows. To love them, and all that entails. 
I resolve today to never feel guilty for putting aside other duties so I can stop and love my children. 
Love God. Love my family. Love people. 
I'm just gonna focus on that for a while and let everything else fall as it may. 
Which brings me back to Johnny. If Johnny growing up doesn't mean growing away, rather growing together, then I'm perfectly okay with letting that happen. I can't wait to see what he has to teach me. 

Mark 10: 13 People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. 14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 15 I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." 16 And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.

Too good to be true

This might be strange, but I actually enjoy going to Mark's shows with the kids even more than getting a babysitter and going on my own. 

Don't get me wrong, I love a free moment of independence from my kids, a moment where no one needs me and I can simply exist as Megan. But my calling to be a good mom is so strong inside me that I am more at peace when I am doing my duty as a mother, than when I'm not. 

I fully believe that life is about seasons. My season as a mother to young children will be short lived. In this season, I am tired from sleepless nights and days of dancing feet, I'm overwhelmed from the amount of needs my children require help fulfilling and the amount of joy that comes from teaching them how to meet those needs. I'm full to the brim with kisses on soft cheeks, pats on round bellies, and the responsibility to protect that which is most precious in them. 

Late nights out in town, while fun, just drain me. I'm already at my capacity. 

But nights out with the kids, are quite different.

We were all there as a family the night Mark opened for All American Rejects in Boca Raton. What a great night. What an amazing set up. We had our own green room, that was sorta like being home but way better. The room had been set up with fruits, vegetables, hummus, juices, waters, cakes, ect. There was plenty of seating, cozy couches, our lap top set up like a tv and even showers. But the coolest part for me, was we were right across the hall from the All American Rejects, whom I've been a fan of for 10 years!I could look out our door and see Tyson Ritter, I was completely fan-girling. In case you are wondering,  Tyson Ritter is a very kind, cool dude who stopped in the hall to speak to our children and was very generous and considerate to our band, despite his status and years of success in this industry. He was a great model of how to handle fame. 

We have these awesome sound cancelling ear phones for the kids, so we got to go out and watch AAR sound check, sort of like a private show just for the Hartmans. It was an amazing moment.

That night, me and the kids went to dinner with Daddy in a beautiful part of town, walking distance from the venue. Boca Raton is a gorgeous city. I loved everything my eyes could see. 

We were back just in time for Daddy to warm up and for me to change the baby into his pajamas.

We were allowed to watch the show from a great view, typically saved for photographers, but the security guards were kind and they loved the kids. Baby Johnny fell asleep to the muted sounds of his Daddy's band, Junior Doctor.

Once Junior Doctor's set was over we retreated back to the green room. Johnny's stroller turns into a bassinet type thing he could sleep in. The boys changed into their pj's and got cozy on the couches. I put on Wallace and Gromit, our favorite cozy time movie and before long the boys were all three fast asleep.

Mark and the Junior Doctor boys were busy at the merch table doing meet and greet type stuff; taking pictures, signing cds and t-shirts, sharing stories with fans. This would typically be a time were I would just kind of be hanging around. I love meeting people, but I'm best one on one. I don't always know how to handle a crowd in long doses. So honestly, I actually enjoy the quiet moments away with the kids, putting them to sleep and following our routines. Typically, this would be the time I would go to sleep myself. But not when All American Rejects is the closing band. That is a moment worth staying up late for. :)

The JRDR guys finished up around the middle of AAR's closing set. Our tour manager on that show, Jimmy, was kind enough to sit with our sleeping boys and let Mark & I watch the last All American Rejects song from backstage. What a killer moment.

All in all, the night couldn't have gone any better. I was able to be a part of everything I wanted to, while still keeping to all my values and duties as a mother. This was a dream of mine that seemed to good to be true. 

Until Mark asked God for it. 

It seems God specializing in things that are too good to be true.  

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

                       (Ecclesiastes 3:1 ESV)