You might not know this, but 6am on the back of a party boat, is a grave yard. You have the entire ocean, the whole world it seems, to yourself.
When Mark first mentioned to me that he would like for me to join him on the Rock Boat this year, I felt conflicted. Of course I wanted to go. It's a cruise. I was totally down for sun and buffets on the back of a boat. But I'm a mother to an 11 month old. Baby Johnny still nurses primarily and I've barely left him for more than a few hours. I just couldn't leave my baby behind at this age.
On the flip side, I want to be a good life-partner to Mark. We both share a love language; companionship. We want to be each other's best friend, walking through life in step with each other. If I have an opportunity to join Mark and I don't, Mark would be as disappointed as I. Being with him in his pursuits, is a way to show I support him.
Unsure what to do, Mark and I prayed that God would lead us in the direction He wanted us to take. I prayed specifically, that if God wanted me to go, that a door would open so I could go upholding my values as a mother.
Rather than face a future disappointment, I assumed I would not go. Why would God care if I get to go on a silly cruise anyways. I began working on accepting that.
When the opportunity came for Mark to be involved in a song writing session at sea, aboard a bluegrass festival cruise and I was allowed to bring the baby... Mark and I felt it was an answered prayer. Now I could go on this cruise, which would take the sting off of missing out on the Rock Boat.
I spoke to a friend about our plans and told her my worries about bringing our baby on a party. She had a very interesting point. "Meg, you only have to be as involved with the wilder side of things as much as you choose, anytime it gets too crazy, you can go to your cabin"It's a empowering concept I so quickly forget: I'm in control of me.
So we went. Mark and I were one of the few brave (?) people who brought a baby on the Mountain Song At Sea. Upon boarding, there was one other couple with a stroller we saw in passing. We met eyes and smiled "Oh good, we're not the only ones."
Mark was working, so mostly it was me and Johnny. We feel into a very easy, natural routine.
Johnny wakes up at the crack of dawn, and since Mark was up all night song writing, I needed to get Johnny out of the room and let him get his sleep.
There was an unexpected benefit to having a baby wake me every morning. I found myself at the back of the boat, every morning at sunrise. What a breathtaking experience. I have never felt more energized, than watching a dark sky, over dark waters brighten into day. It was Hope.
By 8:30 or 9am, Johnny would start to get antsy so we would walk down to under two zoo room, that was almost always empty. Johnny had all the toys to himself. We would sit in there another hour or two while I did my morning devotionals. By around 10am, I knew Mark would be waking up soon, so we'd return to our room, take our showers and dress for the day.
I've never been one to eat much early in the morning, so when Mark was ready for breakfast, we would join him and I had would have a light brunch with my boo. This was Mark's Daddy time. Mark has always loved his ability to put Johnny to sleep. And after the busy morning, Johnny and I had, we both were ready for Daddy to take over and rock him to sleep.
While Mark worked, I watched movies in the cabin while the baby crawled around, or I ran around with some of the other ladies on the ship. I met amazing, beautiful people. I saw amazing, beautiful sights. I appreciated the afternoon break in my cabin to decompress and process all I was experiencing. Mark sometimes had time to hang in the cabin with us and sometimes had work. But we almost always met up for meals. We had a dry erase board on our door and we used it to communicate with each other so we always knew where each other were. In the evening I hung around, sometimes at the back of shows, sometimes tagging along with Mark, just enjoying the events, until around 9pm. My day was full, so rich, so blessed... I was happy to retire for the night with baby Johnny and get a good night sleep. Mark would crawl into bed sometime between 3-4am, whispering to me all the exciting things he had done. I was so fulfilled. All that was missing was our two older sons.
By the time it was over, we had made amazing friends and we had realized something spectacular. We can do this. We can balance work, career, family and fun. We don't have divide ourselves up to have a little to give here and a little to give here. We can combine them and give 100% to it all. Mark came home from this cruise a changed man. He want's that life now, that life where he doesn't have to choose between family and career anymore.I came home AFRAID. I want this life so bad I'm afraid to hope, afraid to believe. WHY?? When has anyone ever been punished for asking? Why am I so afraid to have all my dreams come true.
Luckily, Mark has enough faith for both of us.
Things have jut changed since then. It feels like a ball is rolling and I wasn't the one who kicked it.
We are searching for an RV to live in so we can easily go wherever Mark does. We are selling our stuff. We have an RV available to borrow to go on a trial run tour as a family in March. I pulled the kids out of school so I can home-school and we can be on our own schedule, on Daddy's schedule, on the Hartman schedule.
And tomorrow, we are boarding the Rock Boat, as a family of five: Mark, Me, Markie, Topher and baby Johnny.
Perhaps God does care about silly little cruises, after all.
Wish us luck! xo
Lamentations 3:25 "The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him" (NIV)
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